


Without You, I'm Just a Sad Song

by rappersandwich



Category: Euyeo
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, MAUL FOR LIFE, Romance, disappointed in myself lol, how 2 write lol, ok maybe no crack, slight crack, sorry euyeo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:38:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7162718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rappersandwich/pseuds/rappersandwich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small">hi euyeo HAHAHA well, this wasn't well-thought out, if you ask me. but wth i still took too long to write this huhu ((kasi naman may nagrequest ng medyo angsty daw HAHAHA jk lang kuya allain))</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="small">but i hope you enjoy!!</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You, I'm Just a Sad Song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Euyeomuyeo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Euyeomuyeo).



They hudled close for a group picture, each of them choosing which pose they'd do. Of course, since the two were near each other, they both agreed on a pose they knew would drive their friends crazy: a heart.

True enough, after checking how well the pictures came out, Jen did nothing short of squealing and hitting the nearest person to her who, at that moment, was, unfortunately, Al. Al on the other hand, despite usually being uninterested in those kinds of things, let Jen do whatever she wanted to do to him because he himself was squirming in his seat, unable to hide how the skinship (they prefer to call it 'fan service') affected him. RJ and Riane smiled to themselves, and screaming "Oh, why don't you two just get a room or something!" at the pair who did the heart, asking themselves just why the pair of them weren't actually dating already.

 

All the reactions they managed to gauge out of their friends were expected, of course. They've been at it for, what, 3 years already? This year would make it 4, actually. Paul and Maura managed to get used to these sides of their friends, the ones that come out only when they do something, anything, just the two of them together. They never knew why, in their group of friends, them being split exactly in half (3 guys and 3 girls), they were the only ones being teased whenever they interacted and acted as if they had their own world. Of course the two of them never meant to shut the others out when they talked to each other; it just happened. Happens, if their friends were to say anything. So, up until now, their last year of college, the teasing never ceased. (If you were to graph it, actually, the amount of teasing only increased gradually and constantly over the years. Not that anyone was keeping check.)

But they didn't mind.

It had become a kind of inside joke already to their little group of friends, and Maura likes to think that whatever she and Paul were doing only strengthened their bonds of friendship. They needed the strength, since they were all going to separate quite soon.

 

College wasn't a particularly delighting experience for all of them, what with all the stress-inducing papers, countless of pointless exercises, bald, aging, grumpy, inconsiderate professors, and deadly tests they had to endure, but it brought them together. A miracle is what you could call it; they were from different degree programs, having only met each other through becoming flatmates and neighbors. Ever since their apartment 'christening's (with booze, chips, card games, and stories), they were always together, the six of them.

This year was their last year, making them both sad and excited at the same time, since their lives as students were going to end, but their lives as fully-fledged working (with college degrees under their belts) adults were about to start. Most of the time, however, the excitement won over as they were all very eager to get through their last 2 semesters with as little bumps and bruises as they could.

 

Relaxing and adjusting right into their new schedules, they all decided to eat dinner somewhere slightly cooler (figuratively _and_ literally, since it had air conditioning) than the places they usually go to. (They were all feeling particularly wealthy that night, it having been a Monday, of course, so they all had money to spend.) Entering the bistro/cafe they chose to eat at, Maura instantly remembered why this was her favorite place in town.

Even at night, the heavenly scent of brewed coffee and various types of bread filled the air, making her feel buzzed and full of life without even having to order her usual (usual because it's the only thing she drinks, not because she always goes there) latte. Tables and chairs were set up neatly all over the place and arranged in a manner that no customers would have to bump against each other, even in the small space they had. High chairs and tables for singles and couples who opt to drink coffee and tea instead of eating meals take up the space beside the windows in a very aesthetically-pleasing manner. The waiters and waitresses are always polite and patient, with smiles on their faces as if they want nothing more than to cater to the needs of their customers. They made her latte the way she wanted it without her needing to ask for readjustments to the taste. On top of all that, their food was _divine_.

Just when she thought the place couldn't get more attractive, she noticed one new feature they added to the front (it might not have been new but she certainly wasn't around to see its installment): a stage. And a live band was currently playing instead of the soft and pleasing evening music that would normally fill the place.

It turned out that that Monday night, the one night they all wanted to deviate from their norm to eat there, was the only night they invited guest performers to play.

And what a beautiful Monday night it was.

 

  


In the middle of eating their main course, though, the lights in the place went dim and heads, not just from their table, started turning in surprise. Up in front, the light illuminating the guest performers was the only one in full shine. A man, looking not older than Maura, went up on the stage with a mic stand and a microphone in his hand. He introduced himself, asking how the night was for everybody and apologizing for the interruption, but he had to do this. He looked back at the people behind him, signalling them to start playing.

 

The man with the guitar stood up and started plucking the guitar to a tune almost everyone probably knew. To a song that Maura knew and held closely to her heart. The man with the violin started playing as well, accompanying the melody of the guitar so beautifully that no words could even explain. Even the woman with the tambourine started playing, blending the rhythm and melody from each instrument into one song. And with that, the man in front started singing.

 

  
  


"The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
Stop me, stealing my breath..."

 

  


A few more lines turned into the chorus, another verse, another chorus, and everyone in the restaurant was mesmerized. The guy could sing. And Maura could tell that he wasn't just singing it to perform. No, he was singing it for someone else, someone important in his life.

  


It was during the bridge that the man started walking down and over to a girl in a high chair near the window, opposite the stage. The girl's face showed nothing but surprise and adoration, and by the way they looked at each other, Maura could tell that they were undoubtedly, explicitly in love.

 

"I'll be the greatest fan of your life." The man finished, and with a round of applause from his audience, a few hoots from Maura and her friends as well, he bows and turns back to the girl, holding the mic up before speaking again.

 

  


"Today marks the 4th year we've been together," he starts, hands visibly shaking from where Maura was watching, "and it'll also be our last year in college together, since we're both graduating already." He takes one of her hands in his and continues. "We've had our ups and downs, sure, but we got here. We made it, baby. Happy anniversary," he smiled as the audience clapped. "And since I started my college life with you by my side, I only see it fitting for me to end it with you beside me as well." He gets down on one knee. "But will you do me the honor of starting a whole new life with me? One where we could start our own family tree?"

The girl looked nothing short of blissfull as tears streamed down her face. She nodded and the room errupted in shouts and cheers of 'congratulations' to the newly-engaged couple. The servers had turned the lights back to normal and after a few minutes of watching the couple dance on the small space in front as if there were no one else in the world but them, the rest of the customers resumed eating their meals, all buzzing with excitement from having witnessed one of the greatest moments of another person's life.

 

  
  
  


While the event gave the others something to talk about, it gave Maura something to think about.

 

During the walk home, she was quieter than usual. Nobody seemed to notice, though, not with everyone still high about the proposal. Comments like 'it's amazing because they've been together for that long', and 'i want something like that, too' were thrown around by her friends and, although it was the same thing she was thinking about, she couldn't quite bring herself to join their excited conversation.

 

  
  


Of course someone, _this_ one, noticed. He always noticed.

 

Paul nudged her arm, giving her a sideways glance. "You okay?"

 

"I'm fine, don't mind me." She kept her head down and her gaze fixed on the road ahead of her. Paul, probably noticing that she didn't want to talk about it, decided not to prod any further.

 

  
  
  


The moment they returned to their apartment, Maura rushed to her room and shut her bedroom door quietly, without a word to her flatmates. Sliding to the floor, she let go of all the emotions she had been holding back the entire time, tears spilling uncontrollably from her eyes.

She was happy for the couple who had just gotten engaged before her very eyes, but she was also envious. As well as probably all the other single ladies inside the restaurant at that time, she wanted something like that as well. A relationship that sustained even the meanest, baddest of storms without a single scratch. A relationship that came out of fights with a stronger bond than ever before. A relationship that went beyond friends just hanging out, just being there for each other when they needed one another.

  
  


A relationship she could have had, if the person she wanted to be in a relationship with only knew.

  
  
  


And if only he felt the same way, too.

 

 

In the midst of Maura crying and sobbing into her pillow, she heard a soft knock on her door before Jen let herself in. She was starting to talk about something needing a pair of scissors or something when she noticed Maura sprawled on her bed, blanket left strewn and discarded on the floor. She crossed the room, over to where her friend was on the bed, muffled sobs meeting her ears.

"Talk to me. I'm here."

  
  


That night was her first time to ever cry herself to sleep in someone else's arms. She sobbed, confessing everything she has ever held in and kept to herself. About how unfar everything was because _why was I allowed to fall for a guy who didn't mind flirting with me but not fall for me as well?_ The only comfort Jen could provide her with was her silence and her understanding, which Maura took for gratefully. Jen held her, letting her cry on her shoulder because she knew, she _knew_ that Maura was keeping all her feelings to herself. She knew that, although this flatmate of hers was confidently beautiful, she, like everyone else, had a fragile heart that could only take so much. And, from where Jen was standing, it looked like Maura's heart took too much.

 

  
  
  
  


Sunlight flooded the room and the warmth of the sun's rays kissed her awake, not being able to see properly because of all the crying she did the night before. It wasn't like she was drunk, though--even though she did have difficulty getting up, she didn't have a brain-splitting headache, and she didn't feel like shit. She actually felt better and although there was still a pang of insecurity gnawing at her heart, she still felt as if she could breathe properly for the first time in a long _long_ time.

 

She sits up and sees a glass of water on her bedside table, a sticky note attached to it.

"I'm not telling anyone if you don't want me to. But remember that picking yourself up after falling so hard only shows how strong you are."

She smiles, downs the whole glass in one gulp, and gets ready to start the day again.

 

 

 

  
  
  


"I told you, I just don't want to do it anymore."

"Yeah, but _why_?"

They were walking back from their classes, Paul finishing first and he, as ususal, waited for Maura's class to finish. It was nothing but routine, Maura thought to herself.

"It's getting lame and old, and I'm getting tired."

He frowned. "I don't believe that."

She turned and looked at him sternly. "Then don't."

 

Paul huffed in annoyance and when she doesn't respond, he resumed talking.

"I just don't get it. I know you like it, too. I mean, you enjoy it as well, right?" No response. "I only went along with it because I didn't mind and you didn't seem to mind as well. And besides," he added, "it's all for fun and show, anyway. Don't you want to at least finish our last year with this running joke?"

 

Maura stopped in her tracks, shock from the impact of Paul's words etched on her face. She swore she could hear glass breaking in a distance with the silence that errupted between them (or was that just her heart?). Paul had said too much. It was one thing for her to know it for a fact, but hearing it from the horse's mouth was far too much for her to handle. "So I was just a joke to you?" she stood there, mouth agape.

 _Finally_ she responds, but it wasn't quite the reaction Paul wanted. "No, I didn't mea--"

"Stop," she said, cutting him off. "Okay. I've heard enough." She strode past him toward the direction of their apartment complex, bumping into him and almost knocking him down in the process. She made no notion to apologize, however, so a confused Paul decided to just let her go.

 _I don't get what the big deal is,_ he thinks to himself. _It's not like we ever wanted to be a thing to begin with._

 

 

  
  
  


Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and 'weeks' lasted for more than 2 months already. Maura started avoiding Paul like the plague, making excuses to not join their usual group studies or dinners. When she does join, though, she treats Paul like he was a ghost. Like he was invisible, and like he never even existed. Not to Maura, at least.

Paul didn't look too much into it and had convinced himself that things would go back to normal anyway, sooner or later. Even though there was an undeniable loneliness tugging at his heart whenever Maura came into the room and chose to sit next to the other people in their group of friends, instead of her usual seat, which was next to him, he chose not to say anything for the fear that things might become worse. Keeping his silence, he tried to keep his focus on his schoolwork since he had two papers due in the next few days.

 

  


Unbeknownst to the pair, their friends, who have been quietly and patiently observing everything, were going crazy because of the silence between the two.

"You think I should talk to Paul or something?" RJ asked as he slipped into the kitchen with Riane for a glass of water.

Biting into an apple she grabbed from the counter, Riane turns to face him, shaking her head in response. "No, let them figure things out on their own. Even though I also want to step in because the atmosphere is fucking suffocating me, we can't do anything about it now."

 

  
  


 

After tossing and turning in his sleep all week, Paul decided to get up from his bed one Saturday morning, 'be the bigger man', and apologize to maura. He didn't actually know what to say since he didn't even know just what the hell he did wrong, but he still got up and out their door. Just as he was about to knock on the door of the apartment opposite theirs, it door swung open, revealing a semi-shocked, and fully-dressed, Maura on the other side.

"P-paul. What are you doing here?" She stuttered, not expecting to see him as she was about to go out.

"Um," he started, a little distractedly because he had always admired her fashion sense, "well, I came by to apologize. I don't know what I did wrong but--"

"Okay, yeah. Whatever. We're good." She cut him off. Torn between getting mad and getting depressed all over again, she grabbed her shoes and put them on while Paul was still talking.

"Really?" he beamed.

Maura sighed, gaze fixed on the shoe strings she was tying. "Yeah. I was being stupid. I'm sorry as well." She gave him a small smile, and Paul grinned back.

 

  


After giving herself a once-over on the mirror near their door, she heads out. "Okay, I have to go now. I'll see ya." She pushes past him.

"Wait, where are you going? It's, like, Saturday today. You don't have any classes today, right?"

"I'm just going out." This conversation is taking too long, she thought. Her heart was already speeding and she contemplated that having entertained the guy might not have been a good idea for her 'moving on' phase.

"Alone?"

"No, I'm going with Derrick. We're gonna watch a movie." She doesn't bother telling him who Derrick was because she knows that he still remembers the guy from last year. (She also didn't bother to say that it will not be just her and Derrick because she believes it's none of his business.)

She turned and headed towards the stairs. "Oh, by the way," she stopped mid-step. "I won't be home 'til around 10. Eat dinner without me. Tell the others! Thanks!" She bade him goodbye and took off, leaving Paul still at the door to their apartment, processing the information he had just received from her.

 

  
  
  
  


He didn't know why he was so upset. He was actually feeling the heat crawling up and making their way to his cheeks, and it was as if someone was squeezing his heart for good measure because it hurt, like it had been stabbed by a tiny but sharp object, especially when he thought about dinner. Or the movies. And Maura. And probably Derrick as well.

Derrick. The guy that almost everyone, both guys and girls in Maura's class and year level, admired. The guy that was "unbelievably kind" ( _that's because he isn't_ ), "unbelievably smart" ( _as if_ ), and "unbelievably handsome" ( _how_ blind _do you have to be to see_ that _as handsome?_ ). The guy that was freakishly athletic and the guy that only had eyes for Maura, having confessed to her only the year before. The guy that made Paul's blood boil, fists and jaw clenched. The same guy that Maura was with right now, watching a movie and having dinner with her somewhere public, probably making disgusting googly eyes at her wherever they went.

He felt like his head was going to split from all the thinking he was doing when he was brought back to earth by a sharp pain on the back of his head, having just been slapped by Riane. Everyone was looking at him because he had apparently forgotten that he was holding a donut, which was now squeezed to a pulp in his clenched fist.

When he made a lame excuse as to why he chose to make a stress ball out of his donut instead of eating it, all of his friends knew better.

  
  


 

 

 

It was another normal afternoon and they were walking home again, just the two of them. Maura thinks this shouldn't happen anymore because how the hell was she supposed to get over the guy if she saw him and walked home with him every single day? As she was listing down the pros and cons of ending their daily routine, Paul spoke up.

  


"I don't think you should go out with Derrick anymore."

She lifts and turns her head to look at him, but he was looking at the road ahead. "And why is that?"

"Because the guy's a slimeball. He's not good enough for you."

"And who are you to say that? Do _you_ know what or who is good enough for me?"

Paul fights down the blush threatening to break out on his cheeks, heat creeping its way up to his face, and shrugs. "No. But I know that he's not."

She felt the anger bubbling inside her. "Well, you can't tell me what to do, so just forget about it. It's none of your business anyway."

"It _is_ my business." He suddenly turned to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. " _You_ are my business."

Maura flushed. "A-and why is that?"

Paul let his arms drop to his side and cleared his throat, obviously taken aback by his own actions. "Because I'm your best friend. I just don't want you to get hurt. That's all." He shrugged, facing the road again. "Isn't protecting you and wanting the best for you the job of a best friend?"

There it was again. She was only a friend to him. Nothing more.

She had to fight the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes and force herself to get over the disappointment she was starting to feel. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm good."

"Not with him, you're not," he scoffs.

"Will you just let it go?" she snaps at him. "It's my choice who I want to go out with and that shouldn't be any of your business. Unless you wanna play a more assertive role in my life like my _father_ , who, by the way, doesn't even care who I go out with, as long as I'm happy!"

"Fine then!" Paul was getting angry as well. "Can't you at least be thankful? I'm only thinking about your welfare and you just start yelling at me. What did I do wrong?"

"But you're yelling--!" She sighed. She felt tired to the bone, not because of the three consecutive exams she had to take that day, but because of arguing and fighting uselessly with Paul. Her shoulders sagged as she turned to her _friend_ , and having lost all the will to fight with him in her, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry. Thank you for looking out for me." She forced a smile on her face. "I'll be fine."

Even though he wanted nothing more than to end their argument, because he always felt shitty when they didn't get to make up before dinner, Maura's sudden change in attitude left him surprised and confused, rooted to his spot on the sidewalk while he let her walk home alone. In all the years he'd been with her, all the fights they've had along the way, not once did Maura give up an argument regarding her freedom to choose like that, not when she knew Paul's rebuttals weren't even half-assed.

Suddenly overcome with guilt for using the 'best friend' card in their argument earlier, Paul started walking again, a little slower than usual this time, since he didn't really want to catch up wth her.

 

  
  
  


 

Days later, he notices a change in her mood. She was becoming her old, bubbly self again, with that obnoxious but very contagious laugh, joining them for meals again and hanging out with them even if she didn't need to study. Paul took this as a good sign, finally being able to focus on his schoolwork since their group of friends is happy and complete again.

  


 

Stepping out of the bathroom, he was making his way back to the living room when he overheard people talking in the kitchen.

 

"Soo... how's everything with Derrick?" He heard Jen say so he automatically assumed that Maura was in there with her as well.

  
  
  


He wanted to listen in on the conversation some more but his temper got the best of him. Just hearing the 'jerk''s name made his blood run cold and, by the way Maura was taking too long to answer, he could tell that she was nervous and probably freaking _blushing_ , for crying out loud. It made him so mad, heat filling his head to the tip of his ears, and, for some reason, so hurt at the same time. He felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest and he suddenly couldn't breathe properly when he recalled how happy she looked in the past few days, knowing that it was probably Derrick's handiwork why she was back to her normal self again. By the time he was finished imagining all the things Derrick probably did just to impress and make Maura happy, Paul caught himself shaking with anger and felt the need to throw himself at anything. He stormed out of the hallway and the girls' apartment, not minding the confused looks his friends throw at him, entered their own flat, and slammed his bedroom door shut.

  


They didn't even see him at dinner that night.

 

  
  
  
  


After finding out what happened from the rest of their group of friends, Jen decided to talk to him that night. She made her way over to the apartment opposite theirs, knocking on their apartment door even though she already knew the combination. Al opened the door, expecting to greet a visitor, but Jen had already let herself in.

"Is Paul in his room?"

"Yeah, but don't bother," Al paused to yawn, "RJ and I talked to him already. Got some things he needs to work out on his own, if what we were saying wasn't pretty much spelling everything out for him."

The worry in Jen's heart didn't falter, though. "You sure it was enough for him? That I don't need to talk to him anymore?"

Al chuckled. "Yep. Just let him go for now." He ushered her towards the door. "They're gonna be fine."

After bidding her friend good night, she closed the door to their apartment with a sigh, wondering what would become of their little group of friends if the pair didn't make up soon enough.

 

  
  


 

Maura closed her bedroom door behind her with a heavy heart, not wanting to think about the situation she was in, but not having a choice in that matter as well.

  
  


It had been 3 days since the night Paul suddenly stormed his way out of their apartment and he had been ignoring her since then.

She knew she had to move on because, as far as she knew, she wasn't going to get anything by waiting around and waiting for him. She thought the whole I'm-dating-Derrick charade would work enough for them to stop talking completely, but she didn't think it would work out this well. And of course the whole thing was a sham, since Maura wasn't interested in anyone (else except Paul, not that she would openly admit it now that she's trying to move on) and Derrick was 100% gay. The reason why she hung out with him so much was because they had a class together and had been assigned as partners for a project. They grew close because of that and she even helped him when he got stuck with 'love trouble' since his close friend was hinting that he wanted something more.

She didn't even know how to help with relationship stuff like that, but Derrick reassured her that she helped him enough.

  
  


And since the whole charade and project was over, she didn't have anyone to hang out with anymore. It certainly made her miss a certain neighbor but since they weren't talking, she figured that it was probably the best opportunity she had to focus on everything else and moving on. It was going to take everything that she had because if anything, trying to move on hurt a lot more than when she was falling without anyone to catch her, but she figured that all the pain would be worth it in the end.

  
  
  


Besides, she had a lot of stuff to do, anyway. She focused on reviewing and rewriting her notes, acing multiple tests and quizzes along the way. Whenever she didn't have to study anything or when she had spare time, she opted to read whatever non-romance novels she had in her room. Manga and anime seemed to take her interest as well, something she always wanted to check out but never really got around to doing so, amazed how easily she got attracted to characters made out of lines. 

 

  
  
  
  
  


Final exams were looming around the corner and Maura, having been exempted from all of her final exams, chose to help her friends with their problems instead. She was pretty useful to the others, even if they weren't under the same degree programs, because she was smart and talented with a pen and a computer.

  


Of course, this meant that their usual group studies still continued, the gang complete in either the girls' or the boys' apartment. Paul was still ignoring her as well, which she didn't seem to mind anymore because she had convinced herself that a lot of other things were more worthy of her attention. The atmosphere was still slightly awkward and their friends were still going crazy because of the silence between them, but no one had the time to complain anymore. Though Maura was still confused as to why Paul started avoiding her, she didn't dare question him now, not with the most important exams and projects of the year due in a few weeks. 

 

  
  


While helping RJ review for his exams, her phone rang. She picked up right away when she saw the caller ID.

 

"Derrick! What's up?"

_Hi Mau! Are you free right now? Can we meet? I have a few questions about the coverage of the exam and since you're exempted, I thought maybe you could help me out._

"Right now? Well, okay, since I'm not really doing anything right now," she says into the receiver, mouthing apologies to RJ who just brushed her off.

_Great! Let's meet up at the bistro. Your latte. My treat._

Maura's face practically lit up. Who would pass up free coffee? "Okay! See you there."

 

The call ended as she stood up to pick her bag up and grab her jacket, bidding everyone goodbye and good luck with their studies, not realizing that to her friends, the call must have sounded like Derrick was asking her out on a date in the middle of the day.

 

  
  


All eyes float towards Paul for a fleeting moment before returning to their work. Feeling a twinge of jealousy in his chest, Paul decided that Friday would be the day.

 

  
  
  


 

They were having their usual group study on Wednesday afternoon, and when it was Maura's turn to get the snacks from the kitchen, Paul got up and followed her in suit. She almost jumped in surprise when she turned around and saw him, but she remained quiet.

  


"Mau."

"Hm?" Oh, so they were _talking_ again, huh.

"What am I to you?"

She almost choked on her own spit. "What?"

"What am I to you?" he repeated, no sign of impatience in his voice.

"One of my best friends, of course," she replied, face void of any emotion.

"Nothing else?"

 

She was getting a bit flustered but she told herself that she wasn't allowed to be like that and fought off a blush that was threatening to break out. "...Nothing else."

But she was never really good at lying. 

 

  


"I have to go." She picked the bag of chips up from the counter and hurried to the door. "I'm meeting Derrick--"

"We're all having dinner at ours on Friday," he cut her off. "You're in for that, right?"

"Y-yeah." She wasn't expecting that. "But wait, who's cooking?" She had to ask because as far as she knew, none of the boys knew how to cook and she was the closest thing they had to a chef in their group of friends.

 

"It's a surprise."

 

  
  


 

Truthfully, she already decided to go to home to her parents' house on Friday, but since Paul mentioned the dinner, she guessed the journey could wait 'til Saturday morning. It wasn't as if her parents were dying to see her anyway.

So that afternoon, she found herself bored out of her mind and all alone in the apartment since everyone else had exams and classes they had to finish. She just opted to text them, reminding them of the dinner that they were gonna have that night. And with a quick look around her room, she started getting busy.

  
  


Or not.

  
  


She spent her time lazily picking out her clothes to wear on the way home, packing almost all of her stuff into her bags since she was going to be away for quite a while. When she finished cleaning out her room, it wasn't even near dinnertime. It was after watching a movie on her laptop that she decided to get ready for dinner, since it was already 6:30 and they agreed to start at around 7.

  
  
  


Walking out of her room and into the bathroom, she noticed that she was still all alone in the apartment, which was weird, because none of her flatmates had classes 'til 7. She didn't quite mind the silence, though.

 

  


Without changing out of her shorts, the silliest pair of shorts she had ever owned her entire life, she grabbed her keys and strode over to the opposite apartment door after locking her own. (Her friends know everything about her anyway--they weren't about to judge her now, just because of that one ridiculous piece of clothing she owned. And it wasn't like they've never seen it before, too.) She entered the code on the pad near the door and slipped in.

 

As she made her way to the dining area, she was surprised to see that it had the exact same set-up as the tables in the bistro, though not quite _exactly_ the same since the utensils were like the ones they had in their apartment (they bought matching sets. that's how attached they were), but it still made the setting look very special. More importantly, she was surprised to see that it was set not for 6 people but for only 2. Curious about the matter, she made her way to the kitchen to see who was there when she was stopped by Jen and and Al, both dressed in waitress/waiter uniforms.

  


 

"No customers allowed in the kitchen, ma'am."

"This way, please," Jen said with a smile, ushering Maura back to the dining table.

 

  


After being forced to sit down, Maura thought she at least deserved some answers and started interrogating her friends. "Jen, what in the world--"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Jen teased with a smile, "inquiries and special requests must be made after the meal."

Although Maura was pretty sure that no waiter or waitress has ever said that to a customer, she looked at her other friend with high hopes. "Al, can't you at least tell me what's going on here?"

"Sorry, I can't," Al smiled at her as well. "You'll find out soon enough."

 

  
  


A few seconds later, the two looked at each other and said in unison, "Please wait here. Your food will be ready in a few minutes." They turned on their heels and headed toward the kitchen door.

 

  
  


Later, her friends started filling the table up with some of her favorite food, not bothering to explain just what was happening, offering her soft smiles and knowing winks instead. It didn't surprise her anymore that RJ and Riane were dressed up the same way Al and Jen were. She was actually more worried for them than for herself but it was a good thing winter break was going to start in a week so they didn't have any summer heat to suffer in.

Soft music started playing in the background and _when the hell did they get surround-sound?_ was all she could think about when Paul stepped out into the dining area, looking normal but seemingly out of place in the elegantly set-up room (she knows that she, as a matter of fact, looked out of place as well, but she didn't mind), a bowl of rice balanced between his hands, apparently the only thing missing from the buffet on the table.

 

  


"So you're the one who cooked?" She asks when he sits down, throwing him a questioning glance.

He chuckled as he set the bowl down in front of them. "Guilty." He looked her in the eyes and Maura felt like melting. "But I promise these are all by the book. None of us back there know how to cook shit but I believe I got this right."

Not knowing what to say, she just chose to smile at him in response and when he smiled back, she felt her heart skip a beat.

 

 

"So," Paul started to say as they began to eat, "I guess you know why we're here. Right?"

Maura stilled, not knowing exactly what Paul wanted her to say. She had the answer on the tip of her tongue, heart about to burst from all the exercise it was getting that night, but she kept silent. She looked at him expectantly, as if she knew what he was about to say.

"I-I've come to realize that," he stutters, feeling the pressure, "I might have been in love with you."

She blinked.

"Since... kinda like... day 1?"

She blinked again.

He blinked back.

"I don't believe you."

"W-what?"

She stood up, having suddenly lost her appetite. "I don't believe you. And I don't feel like--" she stops, feeling a hand gripping her wrist. She looked back at Paul, who was now standing up as well.

"Please don't," he said, not letting go of her hand. "Just... please, hear me out."

"But I--"

"Please?"

She sighed and dropped her gaze. "Fine." What else did she have to lose?

 

A tiny smile formed on Paul's lips as he guided her to the living room, motioning for her to sit down on the couch. Only then did she notice that their small excuse for a coffee table was replaced by a single wooden chair. Maura had no idea what was going on and she was _tired_ , but Paul said that he'd be right back so she just stayed put. A few seconds later, the said guy emerged from his room carrying his guitar.

She felt her heartbeat quicken once again. One of the attractive qualities Paul had was his talent for playing the guitar. Yes, sure, he could dance and sing as well, but nothing could compare to when he played the guitar, adding adlibs in perfect timing, creating melodies that Maura could have on repeat all day.

It had been a while since she last heard him play and when she saw him with the guitar, she knew she was doomed.

 

Paul strode over to sit on the chair in front of Maura with an appropriate distance from each other. Before playing, he looked at her and saw the look of bewilderment and confusion on her face, and had to stifle a laugh because it was basically The Cutest Thing Ever He'd Ever Seen. He looked into her eyes, heart beating wildly in his chest, and as his palms were beginning to get clammy, he knew he had to stay focused on what he had to do. With a sharp exhale, he started playing.

 

_i'm sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do_  
_trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you_  
_but you know it's not working out 'cause you're all that's on my mind_  
_one thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind_

  


> "Bro, what happened? Are you okay?" RJ asked as he entered Paul's room. He noticed his friend was acting strangely so he got up and followed right after he heard a door banging from their apartment.
> 
> "I-I don't know, actually. I've been feeling weird lately."
> 
> "Really? You sick or something?"
> 
> "No, not really," Paul answered. He thinks back to all the emotions he'd been feeling the past few weeks and added, "Well, maybe. I don't know. I'm kinda confused, I guess.
> 
> "About what?"
> 
> "Maura?"

  


_i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did_  
_i didn't mean to get so close and share what we did_

  


> Al entered his room a few seconds after RJ left. He heard a muffled conversation about RJ not knowing much about this kind of stuff and Al being more experienced in that particular field in life so he should be the one handling the situation. Paul started to wonder, were they really ever this close before?
> 
> "Hey bro. Heard you were having some 'love trouble'," Al managed to tease, eyebrows wiggling at him.
> 
> He sighed. "If that's what RJ thinks, then I guess I am." He feels his mattress dip with the weight of Al near the foot of the bed. "I'm really just confused at the moment."
> 
> Choosing not to respond right away, Al smiled instead. "You know," he started, after a few minutes, "she came to me with that problem before as well."
> 
> "She..?"
> 
> "Maura."
> 
> "Oh."
> 
> "Although, it is a surprise it's taken you this long to figure out what you are. Or if you haven't figured it out yet, even."
> 
> Paul looked at him, confused. "What? What am I?"
> 
>  
> 
> Al looked at him, eyes glinting.
> 
> "In love."

  


_i didn't mean to fall in love, but i did_  
_and you didn't mean to love me back but i know you did_

 

He could hear his voice getting shaky so he had to tear his eyes away from Maura's to focus on his hands, sometimes even closing them to calm his heart down.

 

_i'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me_  
_but the more i think, the less i believe and the more i want you here with me_  
_you know the holidays are coming up; i don't wanna spend them alone_  
_memories of christmas time with you just kill me if i'm on my own_

  


> "Why are you guys so clingy," Al groaned. They were in a circle, passing around a box with everyone's name, written on different pieces of paper and folded up, in it. A usual tradition when it came to exchanging gifts; the name on the paper would be the one you have to prepare a gift for. Like secret santas. Nothing expensive, of course, seeing as they were all but poor college students.
> 
> It had been Riane's idea, a sort of group activity to bring them closer as friends right before winter break.
> 
> That year, their first year of college, they started their tradition. That year, Paul picked the piece of paper with Al's name on it and gave him a snapback for Christmas. Maura picked Paul's and she gave him a jacket. His favorite jacket, he'd realize years later. It wasn't really his color because glaring yellow, baby pink, and a dash of baby blue wasn't exactly what he'd call "manly", but he grew to love it.
> 
>  
> 
> And its giver.

  


_i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did_  
_i didn't mean to get so close and share what we did_  
_i didn't mean to fall in love, but i did_  
_and you didn't mean to love me back_  
_i know it's not the smartest thing to do_  
_we just can't seem to get it right_

  


> It had been so hard to admit it to himself, especially because he didn't pay much attention to it until now. Not until he realized that she was something he didn't really have, but someone he didn't want to lose as well.
> 
> That her laugh, her smiles, her lame jokes, her sometimes snarky attitude, their fights, their routines, the moments they shared together, the secrets they told only each other, and everything else in between, meant the world to him.
> 
>  
> 
> He knew how heartbreak felt. He had one or two serious girlfriends when he was in high school, so he knew how much it hurt, how he couldn't face the girl who broke her heart for months, how he swerved in the other direction when he saw her approaching, and how utterly and undeniably broken he was when she left him.
> 
> Knowing that that's what Maura felt because of him was eating him inside. He didn't know what he could do to make it up to her, to let her know how sorry he was for having caused her so much pain.
> 
>  
> 
> But he had to try.

  


_oh what i wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight_

  


> She didn't know what to feel.
> 
> Watching him play the guitar made her fall all over again.
> 
> She didn't know if she wanted to go through that again.
> 
> She didn't know how much more her heart could take.

  


_i'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar_

  


> He continued to play but Maura noticed it--his voice almost cracked.
> 
> Under normal circumstances, she would have pointed it out and laughed at him, because they usually did that, pointing out each other's mistakes and shortcomings.
> 
> But she couldn't bring herself to react this time. Because this wasn't normal. It was very far from it.

  


_but with all my inspiration gone, it's not getting me very far_

  


> But maybe...
> 
> Maybe this was meant to be.
> 
> Looking at him, thinking back and analyzing their relationship, all the things they went through together, all the things they went through because of each other, and all the things she thinks she still wants to do with him... maybe it was.
> 
> Maybe they were supposed to be far from normal.
> 
> Maybe they were anything _but_ normal.
> 
>  
> 
> And she thinks she might just be fine with that.

  


_i look around my home and everything i see reminds me of you_  
_oh please, baby, won't you take my hand? we've got nothing left to prove_

 

_i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did_  
_i didn't mean to get so close and share what we did_  
_i didn't mean to fall in love, but i did_

 

> I'm sorry it took me this long to realize that you weren't just any other girl or any other friend of mine. I was so stupid, thinking that I'd be fine without you and that it didn't matter to me just who you went out with and who you talked about because it did. It does. It matters a lot.

 

_and you didn't mean to love me back but i know you did_

> I'm sorry for making you wait. I must have saved the world in my past life to deserve you.
> 
> Maybe I don't deserve you at all.

  


_don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did_

  


> But you're here now.  
>  And I'm here.  
>  And I'm willing to spend the rest of our days together making up for everything, making sure you get only the best.

  


_no, you didn't mean to love me back_  


  


> I don't even know what's going to happen after tonight, but one thing's for sure.
> 
> I will always be thankful that, even though you're such a genius, you still fell for an idiot like me.

  
_but you did._

 

He lifted his gaze to lock with hers as he finished the song, eyes searching each other's. Silence errupted between them and Paul suddenly panics because Maura wasn't saying anything. He took that as a bad sign. But while he was stuck with his internal struggle, being torn between regretting his confession and praising himself for being able to confess in such a cool way without messing up, kind of wanting to run away and jump off a cliff at that moment, Maura spoke up.

Or, rather, _laughed._

She laughed that wonderful laugh of hers, washing over Paul and filling him with warmth, at the same time leaving him stumped in the chair, unsure of what exactly she was thinking at that moment. He stayed like that, staring at her, until she finished her fit of laughter.

 

Maura looked at him with the softest smile he's ever seen and he swoons.

"I tried..." she trailed off before starting again. "I really tried. God knows how hard I did, how much effort I put into it, but I couldn't do it. Maybe I didn't really want to in the first place."

"Do what?" he asks courageously, putting his guitar down beside him.

"Stop. I couldn't stop." She felt the tears prickling her eyes and her gaze dropped to the floor. All of a sudden, she felt a warm hand over her hand and another one on the side of her face, lifting her head so that the owner would be able to see her.

Paul was right in front of her, kneeling so his face was level with hers. His chocolate brown eyes bore into hers in the way she's always wanted him to look at her. "Stop what?"

Hot, fresh tears flowed from her eyes, once again because of the guy she loved, but this time, he was there to wipe them away. He was there, in front of her, giving her the world. And she finally allowed herself to believe that what they had right there was nothing short of _real_.

 

"Loving you."

 

 

 

They didn't notice, for the only thing they heard were each other's heartbeats, finding their comfort in each other's arms, but faint sobs and cries of happiness could be heard from the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> work title is from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZsXcc_tC-o)   
>  it was the song i started to use as inspiration at first... but i kinda switched to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_QK-sXBPAA) instead lmao.   
>  comments are really _really_ helpful hehehe thanks for reading!!


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